I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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