My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
