unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
