I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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