why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
