Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
