conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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