Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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