My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
