so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
