Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize