Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
