you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
