Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
