you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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