How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
