Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
