im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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