we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
