You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
