can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
