This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
