Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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