I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
