I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
