honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
