Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
