It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
