I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
