I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
