this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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