There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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