Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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