So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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