I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
