Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
