Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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