sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
