You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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