We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
