In the future we'll all be gay
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
