physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
