I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
