There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
