chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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