there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
