We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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