ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
