And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
