i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
