Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
