Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize