In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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