I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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