I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
