just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I deserve this hangover.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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