Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
