Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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