i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
