you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
