Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
