She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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