What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
