T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have fence marks all over my body
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
