It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
