My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize