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I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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