I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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